Fedex Field Bag Policy Concerts 2023

Alright, gather 'round, folks. I've got a tale to spin about FedEx Field's bag policy for concerts in 2023. Now, I know what you're thinking, "Bag policy? Really? That's your idea of a thrilling story?" Well, hold onto your hats, because this isn't your grandma's list of do's and don'ts. This is FedEx Field, where the bag policy is as unpredictable as a pop quiz on a Monday morning.

First things first: The No-No's

Now, let's start with the no-no's. You know, the things that'll get you turned away faster than a vegan at a Texas BBQ joint. FedEx Field has a strict 'no bags' policy. I mean, they're serious. It's like they've got a personal vendetta against purses, backpacks, and fanny packs. But fear not, dear concert-goers, because there's a loophole. A tiny, itsy-bitsy loophole.

You see, they do allow bags, but only if they're the size of your average toddler's lunchbox. We're talking 4.5" x 6.5" or smaller. That's right, folks. You can bring a bag, but it's gotta be small enough to fit in your other bag. Talk about a bag within a bag situation. It's like a Russian nesting doll of bags.

But wait, there's more!

Now, you might be thinking, "What if I've got a tiny bag, but it's filled with contraband? Like, I don't know, a whoopee cushion or a whoopee cushion factory?" Well, hold onto your whoopee cushions, because FedEx Field has thought of everything. They've got a whole list of items that are strictly prohibited. We're talking no weapons, no alcohol, no drones (because who wants a drone buzzing around their head while they're trying to enjoy a concert?), and no selfie sticks. Yes, you heard it here first, folks. Selfie sticks are persona non grata at FedEx Field.

But here's where it gets interesting. They do allow binoculars. You know, because nothing says 'rock concert' like a pair of binoculars hanging around your neck. I mean, who needs a selfie when you can birdwatch from the mosh pit?

Now, let's talk about the surprising stuff

Alright, so you've got your tiny bag, you've left your whoopee cushion at home, and you're ready to rock. But wait, there's more! FedEx Field has a few surprises up their sleeve. For instance, they allow one sealed bottle of water per person. That's right, folks. You can bring your own water. No more paying those exorbitant prices for a bottle of water that's probably just tap water in a fancy bottle. But here's the catch - it's got to be sealed. So, no sneaking in your own water bottle filled with moonshine. Sorry, folks. They've thought of everything.

Fedex Poly Bag Size at Dolores Robertson blog

And get this - they even allow small cameras. I know, right? Who needs a selfie stick when you can bring your own camera? But here's the thing - no detachable lenses. So, if you're planning on bringing your fancy schmancy camera with a lens the size of a small planet, you might want to rethink that. Leave it at home, folks. No one wants to see your blurry concert photos on Instagram anyway.

And finally, the most important rule of all

Now, you might be thinking, "This is all well and good, but what if I've got a medical condition that requires me to bring a bag?" Well, fear not, dear concert-goers, because FedEx Field has thought of that too. They allow medical bags, but only if they're clearly marked as such. So, if you're planning on smuggling in a whoopee cushion factory, you might want to think twice about labeling your bag 'Medical Supplies'. They're not stupid, folks. They know a whoopee cushion factory when they see one.

And there you have it, folks. The FedEx Field bag policy for concerts in 2023. It's a wild ride, I know. But remember, the key to a successful concert experience is preparation. So, leave your whoopee cushions at home, bring a tiny bag, and for the love of all that is holy, leave your selfie stick in the car. Your fellow concert-goers will thank you.

Now, who's ready to rock?