Humphreys By The Bay Bag Policy

So, you’re planning a trip to Humphreys By The Bay. Maybe you’re ready for a romantic sunset, a mediocre cocktail, and a show that will make you forget your mortgage for a few hours. But first, you have to face the beast: the Humphreys By The Bay bag policy. Let me tell you, this policy is more tightly orchestrated than a Broadway musical—and just as likely to leave you weeping in the parking lot.

The Clear Bag Conspiracy

Yes, you read that right. Humphreys has embraced the clear bag phenomenon, making you feel like you’re heading to a Taylor Swift concert during a federal investigation. Your cute little crossbody purse? Forbidden. Your stylish leather tote? Laughable. You must bring a bag that is completely transparent, like a jellyfish that went to business school. I once saw a woman try to argue her way in with a clear plastic grocery bag; security gave her the kind of slow, pitying shake of the head usually reserved for someone trying to pay with Monopoly money.

The official rule: bags must be clear plastic, vinyl, or PVC, and no larger than 12" x 6" x 12". That’s slightly bigger than a loaf of bread, but smaller than a small dog. So leave Fido at home—he’s not fitting in that bag anyway.

Size Does Matter (At Security)

Now, you might think, “I’ll just bring a tiny clutch, the size of a pack of gum.” Wrong again, my friend. Clutches are allowed, but they cannot exceed 4.5" x 6.5". That’s about the size of a passport holder that lost its purpose in life. You can fit your ID, a single credit card, and exactly one stick of gum. But if you try to sneak in a lipstick, security will sense it with the psychic power of a bouncer who has seen it all. Surprising fact: Humphreys actually retains the right to check your tiny clutch by hand. Yes, a grown adult will rummage through your two aspirin tablets while you stand there, realizing you forgot to pack your dignity.

Amelia Humphreys and Niamh de Groot back Ban the Bag - Reuse the Bag

The Diaper Bag Dilemma

Parents, I see you sweating. You have a toddler who eats like a raccoon and an infant who leaks from every orifice. Fear not—diaper bags are allowed, but only after a thorough inspection. You must present your bag to a security guard who will then pretend to not be horrified by the half-eaten cracker and rogue pacifier at the bottom. You are allowed to bring in one small diaper bag per child, presumably because the security team respects the Geneva Convention. But here’s the kicker: you cannot bring in outside food or drink for yourself. So while your kid gnaws on a teething biscuit, you get to enjoy a $14 hot dog that tastes like regret on a bun.

The Backpack: A Tragic Tale

Backpacks are strictly forbidden. I know, I know—this is the ultimate betrayal for anyone who commutes like a normal human. You cannot bring that dusty JanSport full of hopes and granola bars. Why? Because apparently, someone once tried to sneak in a small horse? The official line is “security concerns,” but I suspect it’s because the venue wants to sell you overpriced light-up souvenirs. So you must transfer your entire life into a clear, sad bag that makes you look like you’re on the way to a lab experiment. Pro tip: If you have a medical condition requiring a non-clear bag, call ahead. They will provide a tag that screams “I’m not a spy, I just need my insulin.”

Humphreys County Schools changes bag policy at athletic events

What You CAN Actually Bring

Let’s end with some good news, because I’m not a complete monster. You can bring in a small blanket—yes, because watching live theater while shivering is a form of torture banned by the UN. You can also bring in one empty water bottle, so you can stand in a 20-minute line to fill it at a lukewarm fountain that tastes like the San Diego sewage system. Surprising fact: You are allowed to bring in binoculars. I’m not sure why. Maybe to get a better view of the bag check line? Or to spy on the guy who did sneak in a real purse? Either way, binoculars are clear-bag-approved. Use your power wisely.

In summary: go early, pack light, and prepare to be humbled by a security guard who will eye your clear bag as if you’re smuggling secrets from a foreign government. Humphreys By The Bay wants you to have a lovely evening—they just want you to do it while looking like you’re carrying your lunch in a science fair project. Embrace the transparency. It’s the only way you’re getting past the gate.