French's Funeral Home Obituaries

So, I was minding my own business, scrolling through the local news, when I stumbled upon something that made me do a double-take. I mean, I've seen obituaries before, but these were something else. They were from French's Funeral Home, and let me tell you, they were a hoot! I couldn't help but share the laughter and the surprisingly fascinating facts I found.

Meet the Master of Ceremonies

First off, let's talk about the man behind the curtain, so to speak. That would be Tom French, the owner of French's Funeral Home. Now, I don't know about you, but I've always imagined funeral directors to be somber, serious folks. Tom, however, seems to have a sense of humor that could give a stand-up comedian a run for their money. And boy, do his obituaries reflect that!

Obituaries with a Twist

You might think obituaries are all the same - a respectful nod to the dearly departed, a list of survivors, and maybe a brief mention of their hobbies. But Tom's? They're like mini-biographies, filled with personality, quirks, and sometimes, even a touch of the bizarre. Let's dive in, shall we?

Meet the Late, Great... Characters

Mr. "I'd Rather Be Fishing"

Take, for instance, the case of Harold "Hal" Johnson. Hal was a man of simple pleasures. His obituary read, "Hal passed away peacefully at home, surrounded by his loving family... and his fishing gear." I mean, can you imagine the look on his family's faces when they read that? It's like he's saying, "I know you all loved me, but you know what? I'd rather be fishing." Now that's a man who knew what he wanted!

Mrs. "I've Got 99 Problems, But a Good Book Ain't One"

Then there was Evelyn "Eve" Thompson. Eve was a voracious reader, with a library card that was probably worn out from overuse. Her obituary started with, "Eve passed away peacefully in her sleep, with a book in her hand and a smile on her face. We like to think she was finally reading the ending she wanted." I don't know about you, but I want an obituary like that. It's like the ultimate book club review!

Mr. "I Wasn't Always a Saint, But I Played One on TV"

Now, let's talk about George "Georgie" Brown. Georgie was an actor, known for playing the role of a saint in a popular TV show. His obituary started with, "Georgie passed away, leaving behind a legacy of holiness... on screen, at least." It went on to say, "Off screen, he was known for his practical jokes and his love for a good party. We're pretty sure St. Peter is checking his list twice just to make sure Georgie belongs up there." I mean, how can you not laugh at that?

Obituary information for William Thomas Webb

Surprising Facts and Funeral Firsts

But it's not just the humor that makes these obituaries stand out. They're also packed with surprising facts and even funeral firsts. Did you know, for instance, that the first person to be buried in a coffin was an Egyptian pharaoh? Or that the average funeral lasts about an hour and a half? I don't know about you, but I always thought they were longer than that. Maybe we should start charging by the hour!

Funeral Food: The New Thanksgiving?

And speaking of funerals, did you know that the food served at a funeral can say a lot about the deceased? I mean, think about it. If you go to a funeral and they're serving pizza and beer, you know that person knew how to have a good time. On the other hand, if it's all fancy schmancy, you might want to check if the deceased left a will - just saying!

So, What's the Moral of the Story?

Well, aside from the fact that Tom French is clearly the funniest funeral director since... well, ever, I think these obituaries tell us something important. They remind us that life is short, so we might as well enjoy it. And when it's all said and done, we should leave behind a story worth telling. So, go on, live your life, make some memories, and maybe, just maybe, you'll get an obituary that'll make people laugh and remember you by.

And who knows? Maybe one day, you'll see your own obituary and think, "Well, that's one way to go out with a bang!"