Poplar Bluff Funeral Home Obituaries

So, I was minding my own business, scrolling through the ol' interwebs, when I stumbled upon something that made me do a double-take. I mean, I've seen some weird stuff online, but this was a new one. I found myself on the website of a funeral home in a town called Poplar Bluff. Now, I've heard of 'popping' into a place, but this was taking it a bit too literally, don't you think?

Now, I know what you're thinking, "Why on earth would you click on a funeral home's website?" Well, my friend, it's all about curiosity. You see, I'd heard some wild stories about these obituaries, and I just had to see for myself if they were true. And let me tell you, they were. These weren't your average, stuffy, "He was a good man, he liked long walks on the beach, and he left behind a grieving family" kind of obituaries. No, no, no. These were something else entirely.

Obituaries with a Twist

First off, let's talk about the length. These things were longer than some novels I've read. I mean, I knew the dearly departed had lived full lives, but come on, some of these were longer than my grocery list. And that's saying something, because I have a lot of kids, and they go through snacks like they're going out of style.

Now, you might be thinking, "What could possibly make an obituary so long?" Well, let me tell you, these folks at Poplar Bluff Funeral Home didn't shy away from the details. I mean, they went into more detail about some of these people's lives than I know about my own. And that's saying something, because I'm pretty sure I've told you all about my weird toe fungus incident of '09.

Surprising Facts and Figures

For instance, did you know that Old Man Jenkins, who lived down the street from me, was actually a secret spy for the government? No? Well, neither did I, until I read his obituary. Turns out, he was fluent in five languages and had a black belt in karate. Who knew, right? I mean, I always thought he was just really good at hiding his Christmas presents.

And the things these people could do! I mean, I knew Mrs. Johnson could bake a mean apple pie, but who knew she was also a world-renowned ballerina? I mean, I always thought she just had a weird way of walking, but turns out, she was just trying to keep her pointe shoes on. Whoops!

Now, I know what you're thinking, "But what about the jokes? The playful exaggerations?" Well, hold onto your hats, folks, because these obituaries had more laughs than a stand-up comedy special. I mean, some of these were so funny, I had to read them out loud to my dog, just to see if he'd laugh too. Spoiler alert: he didn't. But that's beside the point.

Obituary | Joyce L. Goins of Poplar Bluff, Missouri | White-Sanders

Jokes and Exaggerations Galore

Take, for example, the obituary of one Mr. Harold "Harry" McGill. Now, Harry was known around town for his love of two things: his wife, Martha, and his prized rooster, Chicken Little. Yes, you read that right. This man loved his rooster so much, he even named him after a children's story character. I mean, come on, that's adorable.

But here's where it gets good. In his obituary, it was written that Harry passed away peacefully in his sleep, with a smile on his face and his beloved Chicken Little by his side. Now, that's sweet and all, but here's the kicker: it also said that Chicken Little was found the next morning, sitting on Harry's chest, crowing loudly and demanding to know where his breakfast was. I mean, I'm sorry, but that's hilarious!

And it wasn't just the jokes that had me in stitches. Oh no, these obituaries were full of playful exaggerations that would make even the most stoic person crack a smile. Like the one for Mrs. Edna "Granny" Smith, who was said to have "outlived three husbands, two world wars, and one very ornery goat." I mean, I'm sorry, but that's just impressive. I can barely keep my houseplants alive, let alone outlive a goat.

Surprising Endings

But here's where these obituaries really got me. Just when I thought they were going to be all jokes and laughter, they'd throw in a punchline that would make me sit back and think, "Wow, that's actually kind of beautiful." Like the one for little Timmy Johnson, who passed away after a long battle with cancer. His obituary ended with, "Timmy may have left us too soon, but he sure did pack a lot of love into his short life. And isn't that what we're all here for, anyway?" I mean, I'm not crying, you're crying.

So, there you have it, folks. The wild and wonderful world of Poplar Bluff Funeral Home obituaries. I mean, I went in expecting a few chuckles, maybe a raised eyebrow or two, but I certainly didn't expect to be reminded of the beauty and absurdity of life all at the same time. But that's what these obituaries did. They reminded me that, even in the saddest of times, there's always room for a laugh, a smile, and maybe even a little bit of Chicken Little.