Harris Harris Funeral Home Obituaries

So, there I was, scrolling through my grandma's old laptop, trying to figure out how to delete her AOL account (don't ask), when I stumbled upon something that made me pause. It was an obituary. Not just any obituary, mind you, but one from the Harris Harris Funeral Home. Now, I've heard of funeral homes with alliterative names before, but this one took the cake. I mean, who names their funeral home after themselves twice?

But hey, who am I to judge? Maybe they were just really proud of their family name. Or maybe they were trying to make death seem a little less... final. I don't know about you, but when I see a name repeated like that, I can't help but think of those old-timey circus posters. You know the ones, "See the amazing Siegfried & Roy and their white lions!" Only in this case, it's "Experience the comforting Harris & Harris touch in your time of need." Okay, maybe not.

Anyway, back to the obituary. It was for old Mr. Thompson, who'd lived down the street from grandma for years. I remember him as the guy who always wore overalls and had a garden full of sunflowers. The obit was... well, it was nice. It had all the usual stuff - dates, family, a brief little bio. But it also had something I'd never seen before. A rating system.

Yep, you heard me right. Right there at the bottom, in a little box, was a scale from 1 to 5 stars. And next to it, a note that read, "Please rate your experience with Harris Harris Funeral Home. Your feedback is important to us." I kid you not. I had to blink a few times to make sure I wasn't seeing things. I mean, I get that customer satisfaction is important, but this was taking it to a whole new level.

I clicked on the link to leave a review (because of course I did), and it took me to the Harris Harris Funeral Home website. Now, I've seen some interesting websites in my time, but this one... this one was something else. It was like they'd taken every funeral home cliché and thrown it into a blender. There were black backgrounds, somber music playing in the background (which I quickly muted), and a slideshow of what I can only assume were stock photos of sad-looking flowers and empty graves.

But amidst all this... morbidity, there were some gems. Like the 'Testimonials' page, which was filled with reviews that were, shall we say, colorful. There was one from a woman who swore the funeral director had "the softest hands she'd ever felt" (I'm not sure what that says about the people she usually shakes hands with), and another from a man who claimed the funeral home had "made his mother's passing almost bearable" (almost, but not quite, I guess).

Most Recent Obituaries | Harris Funeral Home and Crematory

And then there was the 'Services' page. Now, I expected to see things like 'Funeral Services', 'Cremation', maybe even 'Grief Counseling'. But no, what I found was... unique. There was 'The Green Burial', which was basically a fancy way of saying they'd bury you in a cardboard box. Then there was 'The Celebration of Life', which sounded more like a party than a funeral. And my personal favorite, 'The Virtual Memorial', which was essentially a Zoom call for the dearly departed.

I have to admit, I was hooked. I spent way too long scrolling through the site, reading reviews, and even watching a few of their 'How-To' videos (who knew there were so many ways to fold a funeral program?). I started to feel like I was part of some weird, exclusive club. You know, the 'I've looked at funeral homes online' club. Not exactly something you can put on your resume, but still.

But then, I remembered why I was on grandma's laptop in the first place. I was supposed to be deleting her AOL account, not getting lost in a rabbit hole of funeral home websites. So, I did what any responsible grandchild would do. I closed the laptop, hid it under a pile of laundry, and went to watch some TV. Because, you know, sometimes you just need a break from all the death talk.

But hey, if you ever find yourself in the market for a funeral home (and let's hope you don't), you might want to check out Harris Harris. They've got reviews, they've got ratings, and they've even got a 'Contact Us' page with a phone number and an email address. Just don't be surprised if the funeral director greets you with a soft handshake and a smile. After all, they're just trying to make your experience... five-star.