Costner Funeral Home Recent Obituaries

So, I was strolling through the Costner Funeral Home's recent obituaries the other day, you know, just casually browsing like one does on a Tuesday afternoon. I mean, who doesn't love a good eulogy, right? And let me tell you, these folks did not disappoint. It was like a real-life soap opera, with a dash of comedy, a sprinkle of surprise, and a whole lot of 'I can't believe I'm reading this'.

Meet the Stars of Our Show

First up, we have Edith "The Great" Thompson. Now, Edith was no ordinary woman. She was a force to be reckoned with, a veritable hurricane in a housedress. The obit said she was 'loved by many, feared by more'. I mean, who among us hasn't had a neighbor like that? The one who could make you feel like you'd just won the lottery with a simple 'hello', or like you'd just stepped in something unpleasant with a mere glance. Rest in peace, Edith. I'm sure heaven's already stockpiling the Werther's Originals.

Next, we have Harold "Houdini" Jenkins. Harold was a bit of a local legend. He was a magician, you see, and not just your run-of-the-mill 'pull a rabbit out of a hat' kind. No, Harold was known for his daring escapes. From handcuffs, straight jackets, even a time or two from the local police station (don't ask, they never could figure out how he did it). His obit read, 'He died as he lived, defying expectations'. I like to imagine he took his final bow with a flourish and a 'ta-da!'

When Life Imitates Art

Now, here's where things get a little...odd. You remember Agnes "The Artist" Baker, right? No? Well, Agnes was an...eccentric. She was a performance artist, known for her, shall we say, 'unique' interpretations of classic works. Her pièce de résistance was a live reenactment of the Titanic, complete with a bathtub full of ice and a rather unfortunate lifebuoy incident. Her obit? 'She sank her final ship on March 15th'. I swear, I'm not making this up. The funeral home's website even had a picture of her, smiling, with a tiny iceberg photoshopped in the background. I half expected to see a 'Rest in Pieces' pun, but alas, they resisted.

And then there's Bernard "The Bard" Davis. Bernard was a Shakespeare enthusiast, to put it mildly. He was known to quote the Bard at the drop of a hat, or a dropped pastry, as the case may be. His obit? 'His final act was a soliloquy, whispered to the night'. I like to think it was a passionate rendition of 'To be, or not to be', but who knows? Maybe it was just a muttered 'Oh, bother' as he shuffled off this mortal coil.

Wilma Ross Powell Obituary in Gastonia at Costner Funeral Home | Obit

And the Award for Most Surprising Obituary Goes To...

But the pièce de résistance, the grand finale, the obituary that had me laughing so hard I almost choked on my coffee? That would be Mabel "The Marauder" McGill. Mabel was a sweet little old lady, or so everyone thought. Turns out, she was also a master thief. Her obit read, 'She left this world as she entered it, with a full diaper and an empty safe'. I mean, who saw that coming? I can just imagine the funeral, everyone sitting there, somber and respectful, when suddenly, someone notices the safe in the corner is open. And empty. And then the laughter starts. I bet Mabel would have loved that.

So there you have it, folks. The Costner Funeral Home's recent obituaries, a veritable smorgasbord of laughter, tears, and more than a few raised eyebrows. It just goes to show, you never know what you're going to find when you start digging around in the digital graveyard. But hey, it beats watching cat videos, right?